Don't Fool
Sunday, December 10, 2006
11:11
Been relaxing lately, perhaps too much relaxing. I'm too laxed already.
Wasting life away.
College app stuffs finally got settled. At least. . it's more or less fixed. The I20 form for visa app haven arrive and I dno y, the sch said they've sent it but looks like I need to call them. . AGAIN. A.mericans are damn inefficient. There have been alot of struggles that I went thru for this. Countless talks with my mom and quarrells and stress from my parents. Acutally my future is still in the mist I dno man. I really dno.
Truth hurts. I know. Just hoping it wont hurt so bad. Financially wat my mom has is just enuff for 3 yrs of my educaion. The last yr shld b no problem as they're still earning and I'll b working. It's gonna be a tough trip for me, a tough experience.
I've been thinking how I got this way. How I applied for this sch. . Is this all fate? Ok the sch is USF *University of San Francisco. It's a private sch, and it's better than the State University of San Francisco. ( y r all the private schs better? educate me) Better education, I mean, supposed better education comes with definite higher cost. As a matter of simple fact, USF costs bout the same as Berkeley. o.O Appx 35k USD per yr together with living expenses. This figure converts to bout 50K SGD. I hope there's no printing fee, class fund shits in the states if not it'll probly be 50plus K. I was saying I dno how I got this way. . I meant I dno y I applied for this sch. Sub-consciously when I picked the schools. . I kinda already decided where to go. Albeit knowing about the costly fees I kinda pushed this matter to the edge, leaving my parents have no choice.
Sometimes I ask myself why I din pick other schs, I dno. I've been thinking, I chose the location - San Francisco, for wat? For my baby? Yes definitely, but there's smting more to this decision and I dno why. I just feel incomplete, something's missing, something's confusing me. Perhaps is juz my laziness. Why didn't I work hard and try to take SAT again and look for a sch tt'll give me some financial help by means of scholarship or wat. I dno. And I dno what I''ll do when I get to USF. I mean. . Mom thinks tt I won work hard. I fully understand tt I hav a HUUUGGGGGEEE responsibility on me, I told myself I'll work hard but I'm not 100% confident. I dno y. My JC results shows, and truth hurts.
I'm not a v ambitious person. I dno y I have to go thru all these troubles. U know? Overage, move here move there, from CN to SG. And aft 11 fucking-long-boring yrs I cant stay. Due to NS, due to this n tt. It's lyk piles and piles of admin work. It's sian. M not saying I don wanna go to the States. It's juz all these troubles with it, y cant everything b smoother? Y cant I just leave w/o having to wry bout renouncing my PR. I'm just a commoner mr god, why cant u let me live peacefully. I need PEACE, not headaches.
God will probly tell me that peace comes with a price.
Ok, no matter wat, at least most of all these are settled. Mayb it's aft all better for me to leave than to take the A lvls. Haha, I dno, I hav no confidence in JC studies, shun blame IP. We shld always blame ourselves. Politically correct answers are always correct.
Whatever things. Going away to college.
Peace
Been relaxing lately, perhaps too much relaxing. I'm too laxed already.
Wasting life away.
College app stuffs finally got settled. At least. . it's more or less fixed. The I20 form for visa app haven arrive and I dno y, the sch said they've sent it but looks like I need to call them. . AGAIN. A.mericans are damn inefficient. There have been alot of struggles that I went thru for this. Countless talks with my mom and quarrells and stress from my parents. Acutally my future is still in the mist I dno man. I really dno.
Truth hurts. I know. Just hoping it wont hurt so bad. Financially wat my mom has is just enuff for 3 yrs of my educaion. The last yr shld b no problem as they're still earning and I'll b working. It's gonna be a tough trip for me, a tough experience.
I've been thinking how I got this way. How I applied for this sch. . Is this all fate? Ok the sch is USF *University of San Francisco. It's a private sch, and it's better than the State University of San Francisco. ( y r all the private schs better? educate me) Better education, I mean, supposed better education comes with definite higher cost. As a matter of simple fact, USF costs bout the same as Berkeley. o.O Appx 35k USD per yr together with living expenses. This figure converts to bout 50K SGD. I hope there's no printing fee, class fund shits in the states if not it'll probly be 50plus K. I was saying I dno how I got this way. . I meant I dno y I applied for this sch. Sub-consciously when I picked the schools. . I kinda already decided where to go. Albeit knowing about the costly fees I kinda pushed this matter to the edge, leaving my parents have no choice.
Sometimes I ask myself why I din pick other schs, I dno. I've been thinking, I chose the location - San Francisco, for wat? For my baby? Yes definitely, but there's smting more to this decision and I dno why. I just feel incomplete, something's missing, something's confusing me. Perhaps is juz my laziness. Why didn't I work hard and try to take SAT again and look for a sch tt'll give me some financial help by means of scholarship or wat. I dno. And I dno what I''ll do when I get to USF. I mean. . Mom thinks tt I won work hard. I fully understand tt I hav a HUUUGGGGGEEE responsibility on me, I told myself I'll work hard but I'm not 100% confident. I dno y. My JC results shows, and truth hurts.
I'm not a v ambitious person. I dno y I have to go thru all these troubles. U know? Overage, move here move there, from CN to SG. And aft 11 fucking-long-boring yrs I cant stay. Due to NS, due to this n tt. It's lyk piles and piles of admin work. It's sian. M not saying I don wanna go to the States. It's juz all these troubles with it, y cant everything b smoother? Y cant I just leave w/o having to wry bout renouncing my PR. I'm just a commoner mr god, why cant u let me live peacefully. I need PEACE, not headaches.
God will probly tell me that peace comes with a price.
Ok, no matter wat, at least most of all these are settled. Mayb it's aft all better for me to leave than to take the A lvls. Haha, I dno, I hav no confidence in JC studies, shun blame IP. We shld always blame ourselves. Politically correct answers are always correct.
Whatever things. Going away to college.
Peace