Don't Fool
Friday, November 30, 2007
Ain't those drawings cool? Haha.
It's 1:30am. I'm still stoning.
Been stoning since 9pm.
Time to move to bed.
Can't stone anymore,
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
Unsent words
While other came with a word of concern. You came with an apology.
I don't wanna hear you say sorry.
God, let time pass faster.
End this, you end this & you enforce this, not his departure.
Remember who you are.
I can't wait for your birthday to come. Not for the celebration that will only witness my absence. But for unshackling my misery, and yours too.
How sarcastic and ironic our lives have become?
Are you back just yet? Waiting now please come set me free.
On a brighter note, I'm coughing to my death. (_._'')
I'm here, by myself.
Need no one to comply.
I wish I can help you.
I wonder if I'm of any help at all.
Life is such a drag.
While other came with a word of concern. You came with an apology.
I don't wanna hear you say sorry.
God, let time pass faster.
End this, you end this & you enforce this, not his departure.
Remember who you are.
I can't wait for your birthday to come. Not for the celebration that will only witness my absence. But for unshackling my misery, and yours too.
How sarcastic and ironic our lives have become?
Are you back just yet? Waiting now please come set me free.
On a brighter note, I'm coughing to my death. (_._'')
I'm here, by myself.
Need no one to comply.
I wish I can help you.
I wonder if I'm of any help at all.
Life is such a drag.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Fell sick after 3 long days.
I went out everyday wit frens for long hrs for the same reasons u went out, to not think too much.
And let this pass peacefully, as u hoped.
So far not so good.
I still feel helpless, u made me so. Well, I trust u.
There'll be no second time of this, I will act.
Bad sorethroat & headache.
Think I got a light fever ytd.
I feel better now, but still very exhausted.
No mood for studies, no mood for meals, no mood to blog about the past eventful days.
Here's some pictures:
Peace out
Saturday, November 24, 2007
=)
Everyone likes to email me.
Haha, thx for your concerns!
All of you!
Yeah, email rox.
I feel like m a popular bimbo blogger xD.
"No" sarcasms.
I'm doing fine.
I blog about shitty stuffs when I'm feeling shitty.
It's a stupid act but my emotions were intense during those shitty times.
So I can write some real shit. And it's no shitting! It's all good shit when I look at my entries the next day. For self-reconciliation too.
I really appreciate it, sending me email to express a word of concern.
Whether I've informed u of what's going on or not.
Thanks my frens!
Anw I had a great day tripping to the south along the coast today.
I'll upload some photos soon.
Peace
Everyone likes to email me.
Haha, thx for your concerns!
All of you!
Yeah, email rox.
I feel like m a popular bimbo blogger xD.
"No" sarcasms.
I'm doing fine.
I blog about shitty stuffs when I'm feeling shitty.
It's a stupid act but my emotions were intense during those shitty times.
So I can write some real shit. And it's no shitting! It's all good shit when I look at my entries the next day. For self-reconciliation too.
I really appreciate it, sending me email to express a word of concern.
Whether I've informed u of what's going on or not.
Thanks my frens!
Anw I had a great day tripping to the south along the coast today.
I'll upload some photos soon.
Peace
Friday, November 23, 2007
Reconcile when I least expect to.
I need to take sometime off from drinking.
This is almost the 3rd consecutive day.
Today is fucked up, so is ytd at Club Temple.
I consumed too much.
Head is aching so badly with every pulse, feel like imma explode soon.
Heart rate is jacked up by the copious alcohol i pounded on.
1st time I felt like I might be sent to the hospital. =.=
Pain, pain, pain.
Physically & mentally.
Puked at the road side, it felt so gross and painful.
The stuffs I ingested were just rushing out, creating agonzing pain, I can feel all my veins popping out.
I puked so much, messed up so big.
The whole day was a struggle for me.
To remain calm and cool.
I can't stop thinking of you.
Can't help imagining how nasty things can become.
Can't help worrying about the difficulties you went through veiled behind by those simple msg you left me.
I wish I can do something to help you.
Another stupid entry I made to illustrate how fucked up I am.
Drank so much tonight I think that I drowned.
Vomiting made me feel better now, after the bitter taste in my mouth is gone, my heart rate slowing down.
I found peace and solace after talking to you.
Your reassurance drove my pain away.
I drew your face on the beach today.
I need to take sometime off from drinking.
This is almost the 3rd consecutive day.
Today is fucked up, so is ytd at Club Temple.
I consumed too much.
Head is aching so badly with every pulse, feel like imma explode soon.
Heart rate is jacked up by the copious alcohol i pounded on.
1st time I felt like I might be sent to the hospital. =.=
Pain, pain, pain.
Physically & mentally.
Puked at the road side, it felt so gross and painful.
The stuffs I ingested were just rushing out, creating agonzing pain, I can feel all my veins popping out.
I puked so much, messed up so big.
The whole day was a struggle for me.
To remain calm and cool.
I can't stop thinking of you.
Can't help imagining how nasty things can become.
Can't help worrying about the difficulties you went through veiled behind by those simple msg you left me.
I wish I can do something to help you.
Another stupid entry I made to illustrate how fucked up I am.
Drank so much tonight I think that I drowned.
Vomiting made me feel better now, after the bitter taste in my mouth is gone, my heart rate slowing down.
I found peace and solace after talking to you.
Your reassurance drove my pain away.
I drew your face on the beach today.
Some pictures I took while tripping with frens. Do you like San Francisco?
It's indeed a very beautiful city.
Saw a movie ytd, Love in the Time of Cholera.
A love story of Florentino, a guy who spent 53 years waiting for his love, Fermina.
It was a bizzare plot but the show illustrated a few interesting themes, imo, seduction, love as an emotional and physical disease, suffering & aging and death.
Despite the absurd plot, the drama in it was portrayed ridiculously serious, with dignity.
"Love is a means to grace"
"Life, but not death, has no limits"
No idea why I talked about this, but I like tos 2 quotes.
Happy thxgiving. Go somewhere tripping, I will. May peace and happiness surround you and all your families. No worries, I'll be good, I'll stay cool.
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Wassup Gays.
A lvls is over in Singapore. Time flies indeed.
Received email from frens.
Thx for emailing me, and the updates.
Oh my entries are melancholic indeed. But bother not, I'm juzchilling.
So what are the future plans for you guys? Army?
I guess it'll be fun and I sometimes wish I'll be there.
Oh yeah, I've already renounced my PR. Sad huh? And I was told by the immigration officer that my chances of work application in Singapore is microscropic.
I have no clue at all whether I'll even get successful visa applications.
And this leads to another question that is whether I should return to Singapore, the original place where my US visa is issued, to renew my student visa, or China?
I figured I won't leave the US in recent years, so you gays, come to US and visit me bah. If you wanna come to SF, come before summer ends next year, cause I'm planning to move to NY.
And chances are, that plan will be executed.
Saw some statistics cited by a friend on A lvls this yr. How ppl come 1 hr late for A lvls, how the number of Irregularity Reports issued in the 1st week trippled that which were issued last year. Haha, I'm glad I wasn't there. Esp glad after reading Kiam's detailed and juicy description of his agonizing experience during A lvls.
Well, attribute all these to the failure of IP then.
Despite all that, I really miss school and home.
Ppl usually question me if I like Singapore better or Xi'an better, or China, and now US.
Well I can't tell u for sure, but I can tell u, nothing's like home.
It's getting colder everyday, scenes of little children with their parents walking down Chinatown reminded me of home. And little children playing in the laundry room reminded me of my childhood games.
Today it felt so cold.
I hope it won't be so cold during thxgiving, I regret not planning to go somewhere else for this hols, my roommate is flying to Vegas tmr. Damn. I shld have planned for a trip too, that could have avoided hazards.
This thxgiving, love can't keep me warm.
I wish it can but I guess life is not an investment in which I hope to get a fair rate of return.
So honey, imma give u the space and trust u need from me to end this torment, for both of us.
Like the way you put it, there'll be many more thxgivings in time to come. =)
Imma chill on my throne and enjoy the company of frens this holiday.
Yeah and pound on alcohol again so in case my behaviour upsets anyone I got my excuse. xD
Oh I juz read somewhere that pictures are generally more interesting than words.
Hell no! Perhaps pictures of bimbos interest u more than words coming from them. For apparent reasons!
Hell no! Perhaps pictures of bimbos interest u more than words coming from them. For apparent reasons!
Here's a picture:
Environmental friendly graffiti: water.
Samson's drawing of me.
Hahaha.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
End this torment.
I feel so sick.
Don't try to salvage anything anymore!
Just end this.
I can almost feel the blood tickling down within me.
Will you let sorrow breed from here?
So please, I beg u, just end this.
End this now, right now. Don't wait!
There'll just be more tears if you hesitate.
It is ugly, it has always been.
Just let it pass.
Don't wait anymore, don't even blink.
End this now, right now!
And,
I will be here.
I will not fail, I will not falter.
I'll bleed to keep you alive.
I know the damage I've done.
I am liable for this debt.
I'll pay.
I'll make you smile.
I, just I myself, only.
Just end this.
Wipe out this ambiguilty, end this rupture.
Don't let sorrow breed.
I'm with you, wherever you may roam.
How much further do I have to go?
Tell me what I need to hear.
Show what it is, make me understand it.
I'll do 10x better, I'll do 100x better.
I won't be ignored.
I'll be here. . .
For you.
Cause you're all that I've got.
I feel so sick.
Don't try to salvage anything anymore!
Just end this.
I can almost feel the blood tickling down within me.
Will you let sorrow breed from here?
So please, I beg u, just end this.
End this now, right now. Don't wait!
There'll just be more tears if you hesitate.
It is ugly, it has always been.
Just let it pass.
Don't wait anymore, don't even blink.
End this now, right now!
And,
I will be here.
I will not fail, I will not falter.
I'll bleed to keep you alive.
I know the damage I've done.
I am liable for this debt.
I'll pay.
I'll make you smile.
I, just I myself, only.
Just end this.
Wipe out this ambiguilty, end this rupture.
Don't let sorrow breed.
I'm with you, wherever you may roam.
How much further do I have to go?
Tell me what I need to hear.
Show what it is, make me understand it.
I'll do 10x better, I'll do 100x better.
I won't be ignored.
I'll be here. . .
For you.
Cause you're all that I've got.
Monday, November 12, 2007
Live n' Kickin'
Went to a gay club on Saturday.
Pounded on a lot of drinks, probably 12 shots of different drinks.
Thx to the generousity of frens and the bartender.
I performed some really gay acts with the male dancers whose ass-kickin figures will put all of ya'll to shame.
Awesome party, rapacious drinking, copious alcohol, but eventually malcontent.
I made calls to my love & parents, weeping.
Said a lot of things to them.
Things that I'll never say when I'm sober.
It's crazy to cry in front of everyone, but. .
I felt lighter.
Never drank so much before.
Never felt so light.
Feels like floating in an empty void.
I could barely walk.
I owe many an apology for my behavior.
But I felt lighter.
But I felt lighter.
I am live n' kickin'
Sunday, November 04, 2007
听爸爸的话
“人的性格在生下来多多少少都已经定了。
如果你贪钱，在路边看到钱就一定会捡起来。
如果你色，有美女路过你就一定会看两眼。
这是天性定的。
虽然有些事情，你知道不该做，但你天性如此，所以终究作了不该做的选择。”
人是感性的动物，不是理性的。
所以做不出理性的选择。
某种程度上讲，人一直用理性的东西套自己，是不是就是“变态”的？
因为人是感性的动物，一直作出理性的选择是不是违背了自己的天性？
爸爸说：“人生是由很多个选择组成的，你一辈子都要选择下一步要怎么走。像一条有很多岔路的路，每到一个交叉口，你就要做一个选择。所以天性注定了你会做怎样的选择，注定了你会走那一条路。所以当你看到钱是把它捡起来，就是走上了天性注定你会走了那条岔路。而在我们的圈子里，国家里，地球上，宇宙，一个人做一个选择就会影响其他人。而大多数人都会被自己的天性控制，所以人和人之间互相的影响，也是多多少少已经注定的。很微妙的，这个网络自己会形成一种平衡，因为极少数人，能做出不同的选择来改运。”
了解自己的致命伤，需要时时刻刻的反省，检讨自己那里做错了。那里该作出理性的选择。 要克服自己的弱点，是很困难的。就像看到地上有一万块，却不捡起来，多少人能做到。能做到的话，就能转运，走上新的岔路，克服自己的命运。
友人说：" 我知道每個人的岔路越來越少的時候 他就越接近了他人生追求的最高位置”
极善极恶的人，不受命运影响。他们做出的决定是超出常理的。在凡人眼中，他们可能就是“变态”的。
跟爸爸说完话，受很大启发。我自己有很多弱点，有些我知道，有些我还在发掘中。真的觉得自己很幼稚，太幼稚。越长大发现人和人之间的关系越难处理，现在想想我人缘真的很好吗？很多事情我自己都处理的不好。
对现实某方面的不满情绪其实来源于自己的能力某方面不足。要克服自己，摆脱命运！克服自己的天性！
我要克服！我要转运！其实我是很变态的。（所以离我远点）
切记不犯大忌，听爸爸的话！
“人的性格在生下来多多少少都已经定了。
如果你贪钱，在路边看到钱就一定会捡起来。
如果你色，有美女路过你就一定会看两眼。
这是天性定的。
虽然有些事情，你知道不该做，但你天性如此，所以终究作了不该做的选择。”
人是感性的动物，不是理性的。
所以做不出理性的选择。
某种程度上讲，人一直用理性的东西套自己，是不是就是“变态”的？
因为人是感性的动物，一直作出理性的选择是不是违背了自己的天性？
爸爸说：“人生是由很多个选择组成的，你一辈子都要选择下一步要怎么走。像一条有很多岔路的路，每到一个交叉口，你就要做一个选择。所以天性注定了你会做怎样的选择，注定了你会走那一条路。所以当你看到钱是把它捡起来，就是走上了天性注定你会走了那条岔路。而在我们的圈子里，国家里，地球上，宇宙，一个人做一个选择就会影响其他人。而大多数人都会被自己的天性控制，所以人和人之间互相的影响，也是多多少少已经注定的。很微妙的，这个网络自己会形成一种平衡，因为极少数人，能做出不同的选择来改运。”
了解自己的致命伤，需要时时刻刻的反省，检讨自己那里做错了。那里该作出理性的选择。 要克服自己的弱点，是很困难的。就像看到地上有一万块，却不捡起来，多少人能做到。能做到的话，就能转运，走上新的岔路，克服自己的命运。
友人说：" 我知道每個人的岔路越來越少的時候 他就越接近了他人生追求的最高位置”
极善极恶的人，不受命运影响。他们做出的决定是超出常理的。在凡人眼中，他们可能就是“变态”的。
跟爸爸说完话，受很大启发。我自己有很多弱点，有些我知道，有些我还在发掘中。真的觉得自己很幼稚，太幼稚。越长大发现人和人之间的关系越难处理，现在想想我人缘真的很好吗？很多事情我自己都处理的不好。
对现实某方面的不满情绪其实来源于自己的能力某方面不足。要克服自己，摆脱命运！克服自己的天性！
我要克服！我要转运！其实我是很变态的。（所以离我远点）
切记不犯大忌，听爸爸的话！
Ｑｕｉｔ ｍｅｓｓｉｎ＇ａｒｏｕｎｄ！ＭｒＶＩＮＣＩ ＺＨＡＮＧ！！！